


Make-Out Consequences

by LuxaLucifer



Category: Boruto: Naruto Next Generations, Naruto
Genre: Canon Compliant, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, For the most part, I think Kakashi gets a boner it's okay it's a natural part of life, M/M, Mild Smut, although there's some gay ino/sakura vibes, but all the relationships are canon, but not in a cheating way, but the story is not sexual in nature, sexual innuendo, what I'm saying is I haven't watched boruto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:49:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26412160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuxaLucifer/pseuds/LuxaLucifer
Summary: Sometimes Kakashi and Guy kiss. Naruto discovers this. The world does not come crashing down, but Kakashi does have to sit through a dinner about it, so it might as well have.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Maito Gai | Might Guy
Comments: 35
Kudos: 179





	Make-Out Consequences

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first Naruto fic in a good long time, and my first KakaGai story. 
> 
> I used a lot of the dub terms for things in the story, and Might Guy instead of Maito Gai. This is purely because it's how I connect with the material most strongly, but I do also use some Japanese terms for things too. Literally the only reason it's Make-Out and not Icha Icha in the story is because I wanted this punny title. 
> 
> I don't know if the women of Naruto take their husbands' names, but I don't care. If someone else isn't canon complaint in a major way, though, let me know. 
> 
> The story starts out mature in a sexual nature, but there's nothing sexually explicit.

Kakashi yawns, stretching his body in that lithe way so reminiscent of a large cat. For a dog person, he sure doesn’t resemble them much. His bare toes brush Guy’s ankle, and he flexes them against the other man’s warm skin, reveling in the comfort of a bright morning under a shared futon.

He smirks when, a moment later, Guy has completely flipped himself over Kakashi, bringing his arms to each side of Kakashi’s head in some kind of perverse plank. Kakashi would give anything for Guy to do a set of push-ups over him, their bodies lined up like this. Without opening his eyes, Kakashi’s smirk turns into a dreamy smile as he imagines all the ways that could end. Who needs Make-Out Paradise with what his imagination can do? 

“Kakashi! What a wonderfully youthful way to start the morning! I believe we should endeavor to join our bodies in a bountiful union of the sunrise, to show Konoha the depths of our devotion!”

“Maa,” says Kakashi. “Is that what we call it now?”

He finally opens his eyes only to be greeted with big, falling droplets from Guy’s ever-flowing tear ducts. Kakashi can see all of the man’s many nose hairs. Some of them are going gray, which is interesting because there’s nary a silver hair in the bowl cut. Kakashi has long suspected Guy of dyeing his hair, and this only fuels his desire to know the truth. 

He was, however, not the Sixth Hokage for nothing, and demonstrates his incredible ability to multitask by reaching down and grabbing Guy’s balls through his jumpsuit. No one but Guy would find that attractive. In fact, Kakashi did it once to Genma after during his days of serial one-night stands, and Genma threatened to sound him with a senbon. Kakashi called his bluff and regretted it—turns out Genma Shiranui is no liar.

Kakashi returns to the now to find Guy making extremely large kissy lips at him. Kakashi responds by folding his hands behind his head and thrusting his pelvis up towards Guy. Both of the must look absolutely ridiculous. Kakashi is content, as this is not an unusual beginning to their often long bouts of lovemaking. Guy has stamina. Kakashi appreciates that in a man. 

Guy is just completing a push-up, the fabric of his jumpsuit tantalizingly brushing Kakashi’s own pants, when several signals enter Kakashi’s brain at once letting him know of an intruder. He hears the soft breeze of their front door opening, feels the crackle of a huge chakra signature, and smells the faintest hint of pork tonkatsu broth, all within a split second of each other. Guy pulls himself back up, his broken leg held above him comically, and looks down at Kakashi with such an expression of tender regret at the interruption that it threatens to melt the bone structure right out of his face.

Perhaps that is what inspires Kakashi to kiss Guy just as Naruto walks around the corner. 

Kakashi’s face almost explodes from the auditory eruption that not only comes from the Hokage but from Guy as well, who is situated dangerously close to his eardrums. Both of them scream their surprise, and while it’s something Kakashi has wearily come to love about the Blue Beast, he has no such compunctions with Naruto, a man he has never and hopefully will never desire to engage in coitus with. 

“Naruto,” he says. “Please use your inside voice in our home.”

Guy, sensing Kakashi’s need to get up, scrambles off of him using only his hands, a notable feat in itself. He takes a few twirls around the living room before settling in his wheelchair instead of the sofa, which tells Kakashi that Guy has no idea what to expect. Say what you want about Guy, the man is smart enough to keep the exit route open.

Naruto is now pointing between the two of them like a man who has seen two ghosts who happen to be two men kissing. “You! And Bushy-Brows-Sensei! You and Bushy-Brows! Kissing! Is it a prank? Did someone challenge you? Did you both lose a dare?”

Kakashi is almost forty, which isn’t old but is decades longer than he thought he’d be alive. His patience, never legendary, has been worn thin from his excruciating tenure as Hokage. “Naruto,” he says. “We live together. Sometimes we kiss.”

Naruto looks between Kakashi and Guy again, his eyes wild. He has come so far: he is the true god of shinobi, a legend that surpassed Kakashi and saved the whole of the ninja world. He spent his childhood in misery, fought to earn the love and trust of his village, and watched his loved ones die only to bring them back with the power of his words. He is the pinnacle of strength. 

He is, and always will be, an idiot. 

Naruto makes several hand motions that are a combination of obscene and confused. Guy starts nodding or shaking his head in encouragement, which is just about the worst thing Kakashi has ever seen, and he’s put his hand through the hearts of a lot of children. He is suddenly very tired. Were ten years of his life as Hokage not enough? Were those suicidal teenage years spent wallowing in guilt and staring in mirrors not enough? Has he not done enough for his village? Must he watch Naruto guess at the inner workings of gay sex while his raging hard-on for the sexy man in the bowl cut quickly withers to such a state that he wonders if he’ll ever have an erection again?

Naruto has yet to complete a sentence that isn’t drenched in bewilderment. Kakashi’s about to smile as condescendingly as he can manage and ask if Naruto is quite finished yet when Naruto runs out of the room, cloak flying behind him. The dignity of the Hokage. 

Kakashi turns to Guy, concerned, for once, with the consequences of his own actions. The apartment seems unnaturally still without Naruto in it. He looks around at their home. They’re both somewhat spartan men, accustomed to making do with little, but there’s plenty of Guy’s personality splashed around the room. Green rugs, green paintings, even a green toaster Lee managed to find, gifting it to Guy with the poise and decorum of a feudal lord’s attendant. Kakashi’s only mark on the kitchen and living room is the dent his feet are currently making in the carpet.

To be fair, he keeps the books in the bedroom.

Still, regardless of how little he owns, it’s the place where Guy is, and that’s where Kakashi wants to be. And he’s upset that balance. He sits on the couch, unceremoniously placing his chin on his hand and staring at Guy, who’s been frowning the way he tends to when he thinks nobody’s watching. When Guy sees him looking, he immediately grins. He turns on and off like a light switch. Kakashi considers it an honor that, sometimes, every once and a while, Guy lets Kakashi take out the bulb. 

“Hey,” Kakashi says. “Sorry about that.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry about! Losing yourself in the passion of the moment is the mark of a true lover, and thus, a true fighter. You cannot know the dusk unless you have seen the light!”

Kakashi doesn’t exactly know what that means, but he gets the drift. “I didn’t lose myself in the passion of the moment. I kissed you on purpose.”

Guy doesn’t overreact, which is almost more concerning than anything else. Instead, he gives Kakashi a long, searching glance. When he finally does something that Kakashi expects from him, it’s a laugh and a clenching of his fist in the air. No words. He’s waiting for Kakashi to explain.

So he does. At least, the best he can. It’s interesting, to know the reasons you’re emotionally stunted, and still not be able to overcome them all the time. Washing the invisible blood off your hands as a young teenager isn’t something that just leaves you. 

“I wanted Naruto to know,” says Kakashi finally. “But I should have asked.”

Guy starts crying. They’re not big tears, not at first, and the look Guy gives him, with those real tears in his eyes—Guy’s crying is always real, of course, but it’s so frequent that Kakashi can tell the difference—well, it makes something in Kakashi’s chest squeeze. It’s a good squeeze. Kakashi has felt a lot of bad squeezes, so he’s pretty good at telling the difference. 

Guy has worked himself up pretty good by the time he chokes out his next words. “I’m just so happy,” he sobs. “That you want to tell people about us.” 

He says some more stuff about youth and summer and finding happiness in the wane of your power, but Kakashi’s chest is squeezing too tight to notice. There’s roaring in his ears. Maybe he’s actually under a powerful genjutsu, and the roaring is the sound of the waterfall he’s tied up next to. Maybe the squeezing in his chest really is bad, and deadly poison is pumping through his blood right now. If that’s the case, he knows how he wants to die. He kisses Guy again.

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME?”

They break apart to see Naruto again, holding some kind of note and looking extremely disgruntled. Judging by the decreased chakra signature, it’s a shadow clone, but when it dispels it’ll take the memory of seeing Kakashi and Guy kiss again to the original, who will likely make the exact same face, except in front of some unsuspecting chunin, or, God forbid, Shikamaru.

“Is this all you guys do now?” he says. “Now that you’re retired, you sit around and make out with each other?” 

“Pretty much,” says Kakashi.

“Ugh! Get a room!” says Naruto.

“We’re in our house,” says Kakashi. “Get the ability to knock.”

“Says the man who announces himself through the window,” says Guy, winking roguishly.

“That’s not helpful,” says Kakashi.

They look at each other. They very nearly kiss again.

“Anyway,” says the shadow clone in their midst, increasing his volume to get them to pay attention to him. If the Third Hokage had lived another ten years, he would have been deaf from sheer exposure to Naruto Uzumaki. On the other hand, the Third Hokage did, well, let the boy grow up alone and friendless, so maybe that’s a fair trade.

“Anyway!” repeats the shadow clone, because Kakashi and Guy are still making googly eyes at each other, Kakashi in no small part because he wants to see what Naruto will do. “Take this.” Naruto brandishes the paper at Kakashi, who takes it. Mission from the Hokage himself complete. Another S-rank to put in the databook. Well done, Kakashi.

The shadow clone makes one last face of disgust and poofs into nonexistence. Shows him. Kakashi stops internally laughing at his own jokes long enough to look at the paper, which actually appears to be an invitation written in beautiful calligraphy. Hinata’s handwriting, maybe.

“You are cordially invited,” reads the note, with the beautiful, firm strokes of an expert hand. “To dinner with the Seventh Hokage. Plus one encouraged. Dress code casual. Seven PM sharp.”

“Oooo,” says Guy, peering over his shoulder. “Where to?”

Kakashi looks down at the invitation and wonders where exactly he went wrong.

“Where do you think?” Kakashi replies. Maybe he’s better off not knowing: the answer’s not likely to be short.

***

  
Ichiraku Ramen is empty except for them. 

One of the benefits of being Hokage, he supposes. Kakashi mostly spent that decade avoiding paperwork and cramming a certain someone’s wheelchair into closets for secret rendezvous, but Naruto seems to be making better use of the title. Sometimes Kakashi does miss the blanket robe, though. It was good for naps.

Naruto seems to have reserved the whole restaurant. More, and stranger than that, is the large table that’s been pulled out in front of the counter and its stools. It’s like Naruto wanted a fancy restaurant, but he couldn’t imagine anything fancier than Ichiraku.

No, it’s not like that, Kakashi realizes. That’s exactly what happened. He lets out the smallest of sighs. 

Guy leans back in his chair and grins at him. This happens approximately five hundred times a day, so that leaves it to Kakashi to figure out why. This time, he would guess it’s because the majority of the village’s most powerful ninja are standing in front of him. He’s lucky to be in the top five of the most powerful people in the room.

Sitting at the table are Sakura Haruno, Sasuke Uchiha, and Naruto Uzumaki. Team Seven. It takes him a split second to pull himself from his memories to realize that Hinata Hyuga is also present and that there are more than two empty chairs. 

“Sasuke,” he says. “You’re not supposed to be here right now.”

Sasuke, looking resplendently dower with his flat black hair and the cloak draped over his shoulder, glowers mildly. “Naruto called me in,” he says. “He said it was important.”

Kakashi, seeing this for what this is, instinctively wants to poof out of existence to hide out on some rooftop with Make-Out Tactics. He tightens a hand on Guy’s wheelchair, reminding himself where he is and, more importantly, who he’s with. Guy looks back at him with the swiftest, surest of grins. No matter how this turns out, it’s the right thing to do. They haven’t exactly been hiding, but they haven’t been obvious either. They live together, they go shopping together, train together, and watch the new generation grow with varying degrees of disinterest (Kakashi) and excitement (Guy) together. It’s how Kakashi wants to live. He isn’t pretending to be someone he’s not.

But sometimes, every once and a while, when they’re walking on the street, Kakashi gets the urge to kiss Guy, and something always stops him.

Kakashi sits next to Hinata. It seems like a safe choice. She smiles warmly at him, her shiny hair bobbed in a perfect straight line. Years ago, he would have seen that as shyness, and he would have been right, but she’s quiet at heart. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t watch or listen. A generation ago, before orange became quite so popular, Kakashi would have called those the traits of a ninja.

“All right, let’s order!” yells Naruto, the most powerful shinobi to ever live. 

“Naruto!” says Sakura. “We can’t order yet! Not everyone’s here yet.”

“And who is everyone?” asks Kakashi. 

“We’re sorry we’re late!” comes the loud and unforgettable tone of Ino Yamanaka, Sai sheepishly ducking under the entrance flaps of the restaurant with her. “Inojin just wouldn’t go to bed. You know how they are.”

If they mean children, Kakashi does not, in fact, know how they are. He has actually gone great lengths in his life to never know how they are. Honestly, in his mid-twenties he’d wondered for brief moments if he was supposed to bottle-feed genin. He’d been a child for such a short time, it’s not like he could look back on his own youth as an example. 

Ino is wearing a different purple crop top than usual, so it must be a special occasion. Sai’s crop top is no different than usual, which doesn’t mean anything at all. Still, they’re a cute couple. Kakashi wonders if they sew the middles from their shirts together to give to poor orphans.

Guy doesn’t even have time for a boisterous greeting before the flap lifts again and a loud, “Guy-sensei! It is so good to see you! I have not seen you since our training this morning, and that is too long!”

Tenten is also there. 

No, that isn’t fair to Tenten. Just because she isn’t as boisterous as Lee doesn’t mean she deserves for him to write her off. He gives her an extra big smile as she sits down, although it’s not like she can see it. Regardless, she returns it with a deeply suspicious look. Maybe she can read his mind. Kakashi shivers. He has a feeling that she would do dangerous things with the contents of his brain.

There are still two empty chairs. Even as Kakashi thinks it, he feels a clap on his shoulder. He doesn’t have to look to know who it is, but he does anyway, affecting…well, everything about himself. Affected. That’s what he is. But Yamato knows that about him.

“Finally got away from the ole’ ball and chain, huh?” says Kakashi.

Yamato’s responding glare is poisonous. “If you ever call Orochimaru that again, I’ll burn your house down.”

“Go for it. It’s not like you didn’t build it to begin with.”

Yamato’s still glaring when he sits down, but as he whispers, “I’m proud of you,” as his mouth passes over Kakashi’s ear. It should be condescending. After all, Kakashi is Yamato’s superior, and before that, his mentor. Instead, it puts a lump in his throat. Except for Guy, Yamato knows him best. Maybe the idea that he’s finally getting something right isn’t just in his mind.

There’s still one empty chair. Ayame moves from behind the counter to get rid of it, but Guy, Naruto, and Lee raise their hands to stop her at the same time.

“No,” says Hinata. “That seat’s taken.”

There is a moment of silence. Hinata’s eyes are lidded. It’s okay to move on, Kakashi wants to tell them all, especially Guy, who still cries at night. But what a hypocrite he would be, hmm? Who is he to tell them not to mourn, the man who spent his formative years tending different graves?

While Ayame takes their orders and they shift with silverware and seating, Kakashi looks at them, all of them. Team Seven. Sasuke, the boy he thought he was more like him than anyone, who proved time and time again that Kakashi was full of nostalgia and hubris. Kakashi had thought him truly lost, but here he is, grumbling his order to Sakura, who is ignoring him in favor of shouting across the table at Ino, the two of them in a major disagreement about the quality of fish cakes versus eggs. He’s proud of her for everything she’s accomplished (despite his own disinterest in training her, he knows now), and he’s especially proud of her for how little she seems to need Sasuke. 

Sai and Yamato are staring at each other so intently that Kakashi wonders if they’re working on some new and also stupid jutsu, but when he comes back to them a moment later they’re chatting like nothing ever happened. Hinata and Lee are comparing parenting strategies in wildly different speaking volumes, while Tenten is creating an origami masterpiece out of all the napkins she has decided the rest of them don’t need. Naruto tries to blow it down when she isn’t looking, but she counters him with shuriken, and before long they’re sticking their tongues out at each other. Sai and Yamato are staring at each other again. Now they’re not. 

Only he and Guy are quiet. He’s never been a particularly talkative man, but Guy’s own silence signals something different. He wants to put his hands on Guy, to communicate through touch instead of speech, but he settles for a smile that shuts both eyes. I’m here, he wants to say, and I’m doing my best. We both made it. 

Naruto. Sakura. Sasuke. Hinata. Sai. Yamato. Rock Lee. Tenten. Ino. Despite everything, Kakashi has people who care about him. And they’re so damn colorful. Whatever happened to wearing a uniform, huh? 

He enjoys growing old. He enjoys having something to complain about. For the first time in forty years, he enjoys his life.

Kakashi is lost in this old-man reverie when Naruto clears his throat. Everyone in the room stops speaking. Hinata smiles. Kakashi is about to lose himself in another reverie about Naruto’s power when he realizes Sai and Yamato are doing yet another staring contest. Maybe things are a little more normal than he thought. 

“So,” says Naruto slowly. “I’ve gathered us all together to talk about some people very important to us…”

Kakashi feels a chilling horror creep into his bones. Whatever he thought Naruto had planned, he didn’t think it would be this. He should have. He knows Naruto likes to talk out all his problems, to the point that he’ll beg a serial killer to remember his childhood friends. Kakashi tries to project his despair out, to make his misery tangible. Guy feels it and looks over in alarm. It’s not his attention he’s trying to attract, though, and he feels a full body wash of relief when Ino looks across the table at him. She squints real hard at Kakashi, who opens his mind so completely she could have probably found the first time Kakashi masturbated without much probing. Her next action is to take a pitcher of water and dump it directly over Naruto’s head.

“Oh my god!” yells Ino. “I’m so clumsy. God! What was I thinking? Sai, can you grab something to clean that up with?”

Sai smiles and immediately goes to the bar, taking the clean rags handed over by Ayame. Kakashi watches him, wondering, not for the first time, exactly how that marriage works. Kakashi turns his attention to Ino, flashing a smile her way before turning to Naruto, who’s shrieking with horror at the water marring his clothes. 

“Don’t you worry, Naruto! A dousing of cold water is good for your constitution! That’s what Tenten used to say, right, Tenten?” Lee stands up with the fervor of his belief, grinning at whatever memory he’s brought to mind.

“We don’t need to talk about that,” says Tenten, so quickly as to be suspicious. 

Naruto shakes himself out like a wild dog, splashing Hinata and Sasuke. Hinata calmly scoots her seat closer to Kakashi. Sasuke looks like he’d rather be anywhere else than here, but that’s how he always looks.

If they’re going to do this on his own terms, he’s going to have to do it now. He hesitates. He has no trouble dictating battle orders or training students, but when it comes to anything of this nature, he never knows exactly what to say. It’s like constipation for the mouth. The next image that comes to his mind is simply unacceptable. He spends too much time with Guy.

“We have something to say!” announces Guy, just as Kakashi’s anxiety has tangled itself into a knot and hidden the words he wants to say. 

Hinata nods encouragingly. Kakashi wonders how many of them already know. His skin feels like it’s on fire. He’s experienced more painful things—he has, after all, literally died—but he’d almost rather have a nail to the forehead than say what he needs to say.

Guy, sensing his indecision, continues, throwing his arms in the air. “Kakashi and I have important news for all of you! We are blossoming into the long, hot summer of our lives, and we could not be happier! At least, I could not be happier, and I have surmised, based on Kakashi’s actions, that he is similarly happy!”

“Wait,” says Ino. “What exactly is it that you’re saying? I’m having trouble following, although I can’t imagine why.”

Kakashi opens his mouth, and what comes out is, “I’m gay. You’d have to ask Guy if he’s gay. Naruto saw us kiss, and now we’re here at this dinner.”

“I AM BISEXUAL!” yells Guy, so loud that it shakes the lights. The sounds on the street stop behind them. By the end of the night, the entirety of Konoha will know that Might Guy’s sexual proclivities. 

Sasuke looks at Naruto. “You recalled me for this?”

Naruto’s eyes bulge out as he immediately retorts with, “It was important!”

Sasuke looks at Kakashi and Guy with utter disinterest, says, “Congratulations,” in a tone drier than Gaara’s sand, and disappears in a cloud of smoke. Kakashi figures he’ll see him again in another five years. 

Despite everything, Kakashi suppresses a smile under his mask. He watches Sakura do the same thing. Maybe he finally understands how that marriage works. Instead of thinking about that too much, though, he returns to the present, where Guy is gleaming his teeth at the captive audience of Lee. 

“It only makes sense to love more than one gender!” Lee cries, his sobs a fervent passion. “Why limit your affections when you can love every type of body? I could only dream to find my happiness with an eternal rival like Kakashi!” There is a stutter, a single moment, where the surviving members of Team Guy freeze in unison. Lee’s next words stammer, just for a moment, before he yells in the same tone, “I am so happy for you both!”

Lee sits down, tears still streaming out of his eyes. Tenten’s gloved hand goes to his back, rubbing a circle on his shoulder-blades through his jumpsuit. 

Ayame picks right then to serve their food. She’s probably been waiting for a couple of minutes. She shoots Kakashi a dirty look when she gives him his food, which might have something to do with the way she looked at him when she saw his face all those years ago, but which probably has more to do with the fact that he ordered dipping noodles, which he knows is both a secret menu item and something she doesn’t like to make. What can he say? He doesn’t like ramen that much.

Everyone starts eating, which saves Kakashi from having to hear any Thoughts or Opinions. Guy is tearing through his ramen with the fervor of a dying man. Kakashi casts a genjutsu and pulls his mask down so he can eat, and the others are polite enough not to dispel it. Well, Naruto probably hasn’t even noticed, but the rest of them are at least showing some decorum. He dips his noodles slowly, occasionally bringing them to his mouth and chewing. What he wouldn’t give for a nice boiled fish and some plain rice. Guy makes fun of him for his taste, but when he was a kid he was strict about his meal plan and exercise routine, and this is what he’s earned for it. A dislike of anything sweet or fried served with an unending plate of trauma.

The sweet period of blessed silence ends with Sakura putting her elbows on the table. “I haven’t said anything because I thought there would be a punchline by now,” she says. “But this is a joke, right?”

Kakashi’s face warms up instantly. The culture in Konoha when he was growing up wasn’t exactly…conducive to being openly gay, although by the time he was in his early twenties it was mostly just cruel jokes and sidelong glances. Still, while the context was different, his father’s corpse is a hard thing to put out of his memory even now. There were good years spent with others like him—Izumo and Raido, Anko and Ibiki—in seedy bars, with friends patient enough to wait while he sorted himself out in more ways than one.

Guy’s face is red too, but instead of shame, it’s indignation. On his behalf, Kakashi realizes. Kakashi has always been the one who has kept their relationship secret. He’s the one with the problems. Guilt is just beginning to claw its way up his chest when Sakura continues speaking.

She’s looking around, bemused now. “I mean, come on now. They live together, for God’s sake. They share their meals, do their shopping together, and all the same shit married couples do. I saw them last week at the fireworks show wearing matching yukatas. You all really didn’t know?”

He should have known better to expect the worst from Sakura. He should have trusted her. Once again, he has failed her, but hopefully this time she will never know. He shoots her a smile, and she flicks her eyes towards him in mild distrust. Maybe he should stop smiling at people.

“Plenty of Guys do that type of stuff together!” says Naruto. “Right, Hinata?”

Hinata tilts her head, and the silence is deafening. Naruto’s mouth drops open. “You too, Hinata?”

“I didn’t know it was supposed to be a secret,” she says simply, before opening her mouth and depositing more ramen into her endless stomach.

Kakashi doesn’t like feeling so many emotions in one day. Now that he’s retired, he prefers to swing between “easy contentment” and “horny” with satisfying regularity. 

“I knew,” says Sai.

“You only knew because I told you,” says Ino.

“But I still knew,” says Sai. 

Naruto looks around. “Wait,” he says. “Don’t tell me…Captain Yamato?”

Yamato laughs. “You can’t honestly expect me to say I didn’t know, right, Naruto? I used to—” At a look from Kakashi, he cuts off from saying something incriminating about the former Sixth Hokage, something like, ‘I used to drag his drunk ass home from gay bars around the time of night when Anko started stripping.’ Instead, Yamato says, “Kakashi and I have known each other for a long time.” 

“I am bisexual too,” says Sai. “Which you guessed a long time ago, Naruto. Do you remember? On our way to the Bridge? You thought I was hitting on you.”

Naruto makes a strangled noise like a cat dying.

Sai smiles wide and leans in. There is no expression in his dead eyes. “You were right.”

“Not the time for the bisexual power couple to come out,” says Ino. “We can have our own night.”

“You’re not the only bisexual power couple here, Ino-pig,” says Sakura hotly. “If you’re having a party for that, you’re going to need a bigger invite list.”

“Oh, you think you have to tell me that?” retorts Ino. “I went to enough sleepovers with you growing up to know—” 

She cuts off suddenly, laughing loudly and throwing her ponytail behind her as though that will delete her last words. Sakura, for her part, doesn’t look embarrassed, just extremely smug. Under the table, Sai reaches over and reassuringly circles his thumb over her knee as Ino calms down. 

Naruto hasn’t heard any of these revelations about his childhood friends. He’s been too busy feeling the walls crumble down around him. Finally, he turns to Team Guy, his big blue eyes brimming with confusion. 

“Don’t even say it,” says Tenten. “You think this lug could hide the fact that he’s porking the Sixth Hokage from me and Lee? I’ve seen that man in a speedo.”

“Those don’t necessarily have anything to do with each other,” points out Sakura, who is now stealing food from Naruto’s plate in his distraction.

“Yes, they do,” says Tenten, refocusing her gaze on Sakura with the eyes of a woman haunted. “I’ve seen everything. Everything.”

“You have not,” says Kakashi. 

Tenten turns to Kakashi with the eyes of a woman haunted. “Everything.”

Kakashi throws a fish cake at her. It lands on her nose. When it slides down to her mouth, she grabs it with her teeth and eats it. Waste not, want not. 

Once again, Lee stands up. “I did know! Guy-sensei told me the first night after his lifelong dream of uniting with his eternal rival took physical form!”

“It’s true!” bellows Guy.

“That’s disturbing,” says Kakashi. “Also not possible.” The first time Kakashi and Guy had sex was when they were teenagers and they jacked each other off in the training ground. Kakashi will never forget the thrill of putting his hand down that jumpsuit. 

“Perhaps it’s not true!” bellows Guy.

“Then he told me the SECOND time you—”

“Also not possible,” says Kakashi. “And the worst subject on the planet that we could be talking about.” While it took the end of the world—and the end of Guy’s life as a ninja—for Kakashi to wake up to what and who he loved, he and Guy had sex more than a few times between that first teenage fling in the grass and the kick that broke Madara’s face. 

“But why were you so excited to find out they were together?” says Naruto in desperation. 

“True love is ALWAYS exciting!”

“And Sasuke? Did Sasuke—”

“Probably,” says Sakura, taking Naruto’s bowl out from under him entirely. She gives it to the needy, which in this case is Hinata, who is on her fifth bowl of ramen. 

“So it was just me?” says Naruto, looking around the table in despair. “I was the only one who didn’t know?”

“Apparently,” says Kakashi.

“Don’t feel too bad, Hokage-sama!” says Guy cheerfully. “We never told anyone. Except Lee, I told Lee. But we never told anyone else!”

Naruto starts literally banging his head on the table. Hinata stops him on the second bang. “You’ll mess up your hair,” she says, which is the wildest statement Kakashi can possibly imagine, considering what Naruto’s hair looks like these days. 

“You’re all crazy,” Naruto decides. “This is a conspiracy to make me look dumb. No one could have known that Kakashi-sensei and Bushy Brows-sensei were doing it.”

Before any of them can correct Naruto about the Hokage’s relationship to stupidity—and by the looks of it, several of them were going to—the flaps in front of the restaurant are pulled aside. 

“Oh hey,” says Genma Shiranui. Kakashi hasn’t seen him in a little while, but he’s the same as he’s always been, just with a little more gray in his hair. Same senbon, same slumped shoulders. He nods his head to Naruto. “Hokage-sama.” Everyone in the restaurant is not only vitally important to the village (including and especially Ayame) but a shinobi legend in their own right. Genma nods nonchalantly at all of them. 

“Ah, look who it is,” Genma, his gaze settling on Kakashi and Guy. “My favorite homos.”

Kakashi can’t help it. He laughs as Naruto wails in despair. “Get out of here, Shiranui. Don’t you have someone else to bother?”

Guy is about to open his mouth and greet his old teammate, but Genma cuts him off. “You’re right. It’s all married couples in here. There’s no fun to be had with any of you, not since Hatake’s shacked up.”

Genma waves before dropping the flap and disappearing in a cloud of smoke. 

Yamato is the first one to speak. 

“I’m not married,” he says. “What’s he saying about me?”

“I don’t think you should take that as a compliment,” says Sakura.

“I don’t want his stinky old ass anyway,” says Tenten.

“He doesn’t smell,” says Kakashi. Can she get anything right?

Tenten’s head snaps in his direction. “And how would you know?” she asks mischievously. 

“Wait, what did he want to do with us?” says Naruto. 

Hinata and Sakura share a look that can only mean, “I’ll explain it to him when I get home.” They’re all done with their meals, and they help Ayame take the dishes to the back of the restaurant. Ino and Sai leave first, citing Inojin’s bedtime. Next, Hinata and Sakura, both of them wishing Kakashi and Guy luck so sweetly the whole exercise might not have been a waste. Yamato and Tenten leave together, the night still young for bar-hopping, although if they’re leaving together together Kakashi will have to reevaluate his whole life. Lee and Guy take up a corner of the restaurant talking to each other in tones that blend into each other, bouncing off the walls until what they say is inaudible in its own unique form of loud whispering.

That leaves Naruto and Kakashi standing together as Ayame drags the table out of her restaurant, muttering something about updating the restaurant so more people can sit there anyway.

Kakashi sticks his hands in his pockets. Whenever he doesn’t know what to say, that’s what he does. He’s been doing it for thirty-something years. 

“I’m the same as before,” says Kakashi. “So is Guy.”

“I know,” says Naruto, biting his lip and furrowing his brows so much he might die from the concentration. “I’m just…I guess I’m just upset you never told me.”

“You heard Guy. We never really told anyone.”

“But you knew I wouldn’t have guessed,” says Naruto. “Not like everyone else.” The frank admission of his own oversights does Kakashi in more than anything else. He feels guilty, just a little.

“Naruto,” says Kakashi. “It wasn’t you. I’m just very private. I have…a bad history when it comes to the people who are close to me. It can be hard to open up.” Just saying this is like twisting a nail. Don’t think too hard about what kind of nail, he tells himself, or from whom it came. 

“I know I used to make some stupid jokes when I was a kid,” Naruto says, looking down. “I hope you can trust me.”

In the same way Kakashi is the genin who found his father’s corpse and the young man with a borrowed eye who put his hand through his teammate’s chest, Naruto is the little boy who grew up with no one to love him. They will spend their whole lives fighting against the ways their own minds try to protect them from hurt.

“Naruto,” says Kakashi. He considers his words. “That’s not why I didn’t tell you. You earned my trust a long time ago.”

He doesn’t talk like Naruto, so that’ll have to do. He smiles and claps Naruto on the shoulder. “Come on, kid. Let’s go. It’s getting late.” For the first time that day, his smile seems to work. Naruto relaxes. They’ll be fine. Maybe Naruto would have thought worse of him when he was twelve, and maybe it would have hurt him back then, but that time has passed. Naruto has grown up.

“Besides,” adds Kakashi, looking over his shoulder. “I’m sure you’ve got plenty of work to do.”

Naruto lets out a wail of distress at the reminder, fleeing the scene like Kakashi’s the one with all the paperwork waiting for him to fill out. He certainly does not miss that. Kakashi returns to Guy just as Lee sprints away for an evening workout, leaving a full fruit basket in Guy’s lap.

“Where was he hiding that?” asks Kakashi.

Guy grins. “My students are very resourceful!”

“So you don’t know either.”

Kakashi grabs the handles of Guy’s wheelchair, bidding farewell to Ayame and turning Guy towards the direction of their home. Guy is already eating an apple out of the fruit basket. 

“How do you think that went?” asks Kakashi.

Guy takes a moment to chew before replying. “I think our friends and family were very supportive.”

“Yeah,” says Kakashi. 

They walk in silence for a while. It’s a cool night, and the cicadas are singing in long, low pitches. There’s a slight breeze that rustles the trees as they pass. Guy’s wheelchair squeaks over large bumps, and Kakashi reminds himself to check the wheels in the morning. 

Guy swallows the apple core. Kakashi leans in close enough that he can smell the clean scent of Guy’s hair and feel it just brush across the bridge of his nose, right above his mask. 

Kakashi hovers directly over his ear and says, softly but clearly, “When we get home I’m going to put your dick in my mouth.”

Guy chokes on the apple core. Kakashi laughs and, once he’s sure Guy is okay, he keeps laughing all the way home. 

When they get home, he follows through on his promise. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you liked it enough to review, it's appreciated. :)


End file.
